Second Submission of Essay with Editor’s Comments:

It all started when I was inspecting a software module. The deadline of the all-important software project was a couple of weeks away. I discovered that our source code was strikingly similar to one of my earlier open source projects. I eventually confronted my colleague, and he confessed that he had copied the code but he did not realize that his acts had legal repercussions. He came to realize that what he did was wrong, but, fearing for his job, he asked me to just “let it go.” [Comment 1]

This was by far the toughest decision I had faced in my short career as a team leader [Comment 2]. I had two choices: report the incident or ignore it. [Comment 3] I discovered that the software’s open source license required that any derivative software be released under the same license. By releasing a software product under our proprietary license, we would not only corrupt the spirit of the open source but also infringe on its copyright.

As I strolled through my teammates’ cubes, the half-eaten slices of pizza, towers of empty Pepsi cans, and carelessly strewn pillows reminded me of their tireless dedication over the previous six months. The new version of our software product was poised to put us years ahead of our closest competition. By reporting the incident, I would jeopardize the product release and undo all of their labor. I recognized by reporting my colleague I would not only destroy the project, but also put his job at risk. On the other hand, if I just “let it go,” there was a good chance that no one would ever realize that the product contained some open-source code. [Comment 4] Like my colleague argued, it was just a small piece of code. What harm were we really causing anyone?

It was at this point that I realized that this is exactly how businesses go astray [Comment 5]. A failure to do the right thing at a seemingly unimportant occasion can very well manifest into a deep-seated habit. I thought about it some more, and even researched it. My cursory research revealed that all unethical business practices started out as minor violations to observe these signposts: accounting scandals, product safety cover-ups, and harassment scandals, to name a few. Gradually, these unethical methods became the way the business was run.

In the short-term, failure to report the incident would have resulted in a smooth release of our product and success for my team. In the long-term, however, there were sure to be repercussions to both my teammate’s actions and my decision, as order and accountability went out the window. Even if we didn’t get caught, it was a terrible precedent to set.

I became convinced that reporting the incident was not only the right choice, but also the only choice. I reported the incident to my manager, but made sure that the ignorance of my colleague was also highlighted. My manager was very cooperative and instantly formed a special team to develop our own solution to the problem and replace the offending code. After a lot of hard work, we managed to finish the new coding shortly before the project deadline.

Content:

Michael: Overall, the tone in the second draft is a bit more reserved. I think this is fine given the seriousness of the question. I did like the stop sign metaphor in the first draft, but I assume you cut it because you had to trim the length, and that was the right thing to sacrifice. (You’re a colorful writer, so try to let the admissions committee see that come out on your other essays, as appropriate.)

This draft definitely muddies the waters a bit, and I think that makes your piece overall much stronger. It's no longer black and white - clearly, you did have a reasonable justification for not saying anything (i.e., nobody would probably ever realize it), but still acted affirmatively even in that context. As a result you're more conflicted than before but still reach the same decision. Good job!

I still think the "when and how should personal or social values influence the decisions of business leaders" isn't directly answered. I think you're trying to get to it in your "It was at this point..." paragraph, but it isn't 100% clear to me how you are addressing that specific question. This seems to be the spot to do it - perhaps instead of referring to this signpost metaphor in the abstract, you can bring a generic manager into that scenario, placing him figuratively at that signpost. This is really the only remaining issue in the piece.

Content Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)

Parameters / Structure:

• Good decision to tone down the melodrama a bit – overall tone is a bit more reserved and fitting to the topic. Also, you don’t come across as pompous anymore when you drop the literary allusions and 25 cent words such as “defenestration.”

• No other noteworthy issues.

Parameters / Structure Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)

Grammar:

• “right thing at a seemingly unimportant occasions” – should be “right thing at seemingly unimportant occasions” – just a typo

• No other major grammar issues

Grammar Rating: 5 (out of 5)

Use of “Situation, Action, Result” format (if applicable):

No change here – you nailed this concept with the first draft.

Reflection on Target School:

Remember to stress the four major dimensions – leadership, innovation, teamwork and maturity – throughout your essays and interviews. By concentrating on these items and avoiding an elitist mentality, you’ll be a solid candidate for UMBS. On leadership, stress that you were a team leader in your software projects, not just an individual contributor. I think you clearly showed your maturity in this piece, so that’s cool. Good work on that one! Try to discuss teamwork during your interview – how you lead and motivated the team as the leader and how you made your contributions as an individual contributor. On the innovation side, think about at-work or out-of-work examples that show how you exhibit this trait. Michigan prides itself on finding innovative solutions to real-world problems – if you can come up with an example how you solved a real business problem with a novel approach, make sure you weave it into your application or interviews somehow.

As far as the GMAT and grades go, you’re in good shape with Michigan, while not necessarily a standout. The average years of work experience is about 5, but you’re close enough. Michigan’s acceptance rate is 19 percent, so you’ll need to make a good case for admission. But with the proper game plan, I think you’ve got a good shot. Good luck!

Reflection on Background:

Would like to see a little more management experience at work. From your background I can’t see a history of moving up and assuming additional responsibility. Make sure that the title “software engineer” isn’t all that the admissions committee sees you as – play up your management and architecture (i.e., leadership) experience where appropriate. Schools like engineers for their analytical and problem-solving abilities but want to admit more than pure “coders” – they want leaders who can apply their technology background to help solve business problems. Make sure you position yourself as being able to fill this gap.