First Submission of Essay with Editor’s Comments:

My main goals behind receiving an MBA at this point in my life are two-fold. I would like to further my business education, and also pursue other areas of finance. I have come to this conclusion after many years of introspection and realizations about where my career is, and where I would like it to be [Comment 1].

I received my degree in Business Management with a concentration of Finance at Delaware State College in the undergraduate business program, which had just formed two years before I joined. Due to the newness of the program, there were not many classes set up specifically for undergraduate business students. We were thus all placed in graduate level classes along with the MBA students in Delaware State's business school. This experience proved to be the most exciting and, at the same time, the most intimidating one in my life [Comment 2]. While the opportunity to work with MBA students created the spark that led to my deep interest in the business world and finance specifically [Comment 3], I also realized how much I had to learn. It was for this reason that I decided I needed to acquire a good basis of understanding in finance once I graduated from college [Comment 4].

I reasoned that the best way to truly learn and understand finance was to start as an accountant and get a good grounding in the basics of the income statement and its components [Comment 5]. This led to my first job as a Staff Accountant at Bob Chinn's, Inc., a restaurant operator in Chicago. After two solid years of accounting, I realized that I wanted to learn more about the analysis [Comment 6] behind the statement, as well as the workings of planning and forecasting [Comment 7]. This led me to my current job as a financial analyst at A.T. & Love Corp [Comment 8] . I have now reached another point of awareness in my life, and I want to expand my knowledge of business in general, and finance in particular [Comment 9].

My first goal is to get a better grounding in Marketing, Strategy, Operations, and General Management [Comment 10]. I feel that learning about these other areas of business will help make me a well-rounded manager [Comment 11], who understands completely all of the inner workings of a company. I know that receiving an MBA will help me acquire the skills to become the type of manager I desire to be [Comment 12].

My second reason for going to business school is to learn more about other areas of finance. I have only had experience with the accounting and analysis procedures of a business, and I would enjoy the challenge of exploring other areas of finance [Comment 13], such as investment banking. I intend to further pursue this interest after getting my MBA. My ultimate goal, however, is to eventually become the CFO of a large company.

Content:

You answer the question by offering a great description of your background and what you have done to date (i.e., business undergrad, accounting). You also clearly state your short-term and long-term career goals.

You could more adequately answer the question by being more specific you’re your responses. In general, the admissions committee would get a better sense of who you are by explaining why you have set these career goals for yourself and how business school will prepare you for those positions. You should also consider giving more explanation about how your experiences (in undergrad and at work) have guided your career choices so far and why you have been heading in this direction.


Specifically, you should answer these questions in your essay:

• Why you want to enter investment banking in the short term?

• Why aim to be a CFO in the long term? How will investment banking prepare you for that role?

• What skills do you need to obtain from business school in order to achieve these goals?

• How do you plan to make a broader impact after school?

Content Rating: 3 (out of 5)

Parameters / Structure:

Under word limit.

Structure is as follows: Reasons for MBA, Background, Goals for MBA Education, Career Goals.

You should consider first addressing your career goals so that the admissions committee will understand why you want to get a deeper understanding of finance. Then you can describe your background and give an appraisal of your current skills. You can finish with how an MBA would fill in the gaps and help you reach your goals.

Parameters / Structure Rating: 3 (out of 5)

Grammar:

Excellent! No noticeable errors. Very succinct and easy to read.

Grammar Rating: 5 (out of 5)

Use of “Situation, Action, Result” format (if applicable):

SAR might not be wholly applicable to this question since it is not asking for a specific experience. You might consider using this structure when describing your undergraduate experience and how that shaped your career decisions.

Reflection on Target School:

You do not specifically address your fit for Chicago, but the question does not ask this. If the other essays for the school do not ask why you want to attend the school, then I would encourage you to address that in this essay. Fit is a very important aspect of admissions and it is necessary to demonstrate it, even if they do not ask it.

Questions you should address are:

• Why is Chicago your top choice? You mention that you are very interested in finance and have decided to apply to schools that are very finance-focused. You should talk about specific aspects of the program (i.e., finance faculty and alumni, finance curriculum) that are not available elsewhere. For example, for Chicago, are you attracted to the school s large number of Nobel Laureates?

• What can you give to the program at Chicago? How are you different than the other candidates in a way that will allow you to have a lasting impact on your peers and the program?

• What about you would make you fit in to the culture at Chicago? For example, do you enjoy working in teams and find the collaborative environment at the school attractive?

Reflection on Background::

As mentioned before, you should consider giving more detailed explanations when you describe how your background has shaped your career decisions. This will help the admissions committee understand why you have followed the path you have so far and how business school fits in.

Specifically, you should address:

• What did you like about your business undergraduate experience that inspired your interest in the business world?

• Why did you want to learn more about statement analysis? To deepen financial knowledge?

• What have you done at A.T. & Love Corp.?

• What made you realize that you want to expand your general business knowledge? Why do you also want to go deeper into Finance?