| Maneesha |
| |
| Below is one of Maneesha's' essays for her INSEAD application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
| |
| The question that she answers in this essay is: |
| |
| Discuss your career goals. What are your alternatives to INSEAD? (500 words) |
| |
It would be an exaggeration to say that I know exactly how my career will develop. However, I have learnt enough about myself and my industry over the last five years to have established some core principles which will guide me.
I have learnt that I am excited by innovation, and the way in which technology is essential to wealth creation. Everywhere we look, technology is streamlining business practice and closing market inefficiencies. This poses increasingly tough challenges for those involved in developing and selling new technology – each new innovation has to be better than the last.
I want to be responsible for motivating young, growing companies with exciting new technology. People who develop new technology cannot exist without others who invest in their ideas and help to communicate them to the wider world. I want to work with new technology companies to help them realise their potential.
These principles lead me towards the venture capital industry. I would enjoy investing seed money in young companies, and helping them to develop their products and strategy. This branch of investing involves itself more than others in the running of portfolio companies. This, together with the exposure to a variety of different projects, is why it interests me. I do not want merely to speculate on the future of a company – I want to help create that future. Alternatively, I can imagine becoming involved in one specific entrepreneurial project, and helping to grow a business from the inside, if the project was really exciting.
I have considered several alternatives to an MBA. A consulting firm would provide me with broader experience. Joining a start-up would give me insight into different areas of a business. However, an MBA would provide me with skills and tools essential to realising my ambitions, and give me an all-round business education invaluable in whatever I do. I want to realise my potential, and a potential employer has told me that a top-class MBA would “put a stake in the ground” indicating my abilities.
As I am usually involved simultaneously in several sales projects in different locations around the world, I have become used to working in different environments and cultures. My industry, where financial services and technology meet – is truly global. I want to study where no single national outlook dominates and more than any other school INSEAD, with its unique diversity, suits the way I am used to working and would bring out the best in me. I would enjoy being a part of, and contributing to, an international network as a student and alumnus.
I visited the INSEAD campus at Fontainebleau this October. I felt that, were I to be offered a place, I should know what I was getting myself into! The staff I met, the class I sat in on (Prof. Dermine’s Financial Markets and Valuation) and the students I chatted to all reinforced my belief that INSEAD is the right school for me.
I have looked at other business schools, including Harvard (an excellent all-round general management education) and Columbia (which would supply the investment perspective which I lack). However, I have already spent two years in the US since university, would like to experience a different environment and want to improve my language skills. INSEAD is clearly my first choice. |
| |
| Comments |
|
 |
The essay question and Maneesha's response are clearly divided into to two halves. The first half is very straight forward and is asked in pretty much any b-school application you come across. The second half, however is more tricky in that the applicant naturally sits back and asks "what are they looking for here?". |
|
Maneesha does a fair job with the first part. She links her interest in technology and wealth creation to venture capital. She does a nice job in the second and third paragraph of discussing her motivations and interests. It would be nice, however if she provided the reader with an example of an exciting new technology that she as a venture capitalist would want to invest in. Additionally, Maneesha should provide the admissions committee with some indication as to how she plans to break into this sector. Does she have some background skills that would allow her to break in? A previously established network? Since venture capital can be a difficult sector to transition into, Maneesha should provide some indication that she has some plan for executing that transition. Naturally Maneesha will need to free up some space to do that. She should consider shortening the first paragraph, as the first sentence adds very little in terms of advancing the essay. |
|
It's clear that Maneesha is somewhat unclear as to how to attack the second part of the essay. She basically produces a list options and provides very little discussion around them. The options range from alternative careers to alternative schools. She should concentrate on only a couple of alternatives (whether they be career- or school-focused). Her discussion should focus on those alternatives and why they won't help her achieve her goal of becoming a venture capitalist. From there she can focus on INSEAD and provide reasons why it would help her achieve her career goals. Currently that link does not exist. |
|
The sixth paragraph is strong, as it provides specifics on why INSEAD is a good fit. Some additional information on career goals here would be well suited. The seventh paragraph also adds some nice detail, but Maneesha's digression "I felt that, were I to be offered a place..." actually distracts the reader and should be removed. |
|
Overall Maneesha should focus on making the first half a little bit more specific and restructure the second half so that the link between the two is stronger. |
|
|
Print