| Mark |
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| Below is one of Mark's essays for his Chicago application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
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| The question that he answers in this essay is: |
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| If you could be present at any event in time, what would it be, and why? (500 words) |
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If given the opportunity to be present during any event in time I would choose maximize the benefits of said opportunity, by choosing to witness an epic event which had a tremendous, and continuing, impact on modern society; an event, shrouded in uncertainty and the subject of prolific debate. Given these criteria, and after careful consideration, I would choose to be present during Moses’ receiving of the Ten Commandments.
My motivation for witnessing this event is based on a fascination with human societal development rather than personal religious soul-searching, though there certainly would be potential for me to experience a dramatic religious epiphany. I consider religion to be an integral part of the development of human societies throughout the world, as well as a major underlying theme behind numerous events and conflicts throughout human history, such as the Crusades, the Jewish holocaust in World War II, and the present-day conflicts in the Middle East. By witnessing Moses’ receiving of the Ten Commandments, I would be witnessing one of the critical events which led to the moral foundation for the laws and religious practices of the billions of followers of the worlds three most populous religions: Christianity, Judaism and Islam.
I admit to not knowing exactly what lessons I might learn from witnessing this event, but I am confident that whatever information I could gain would have a tremendous impact on a personal, or possibly global, level. Perhaps I could bear witness to some previously unrecorded historical and religious details, which could give me a new perspective to the substance and development of the present day religious beliefs for the world’s major religions. Perhaps I could learn something that could aid in the reduction of religious conflict in the world. At the very least, I would expect to gain a new perspective on present day conflicts, to say nothing for the possibility of personally experiencing a religious epiphany from witnessing a miracle, or the direct manifestation of God. If you’re going to see an event in time, it may as well as be a big event… and you can’t get much bigger than seeing the Almighty! On the other hand, maybe what I witness would make atheists rejoice, and complete undermine the basis (if not the wisdom) for the modern Judeo-Christian based ethics.
The historical facts behind the legends and miracles in religious history are a heatedly debated topic by theologians and historians, the religiously faithful and skeptical. It would seem impossible that any major topic of religious debate or question could possibly resolved. Given the opportunity, I for one would like to make the impossible, possible. |
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| Comments |
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This is one of those essay questions that we refer to as "personal philosophy". Despite the common belief that they exist purely to annoy us, their purpose is actually to allow the admissions committee to gain a quick insight into how you think and what motivates you. Rather than viewing this essay as an annoyance and writing about the first thing that comes to mind, you should use it to your advantage by discussing something that supports the theme(s) you developed in the rest of you application. |
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Mark's writing is very impressive. It is clear, crisp and colorful. This allows the reader to move through the essay easily and understand the main points that Mark is trying to convey. There's no measure for how much good essay writing can help an application. |
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Mark does a nice job of establishing upfront what his criteria are for selecting the event he would like to attend. From there he discusses why he'd like to attend the event, providing the reader with a detailed account of his motivations. |
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Not having seen the rest of Mark's application makes it difficult to provide specific advice for essay improvement (especially since the essay is well written). We would suggest, however that Mark makes sure that his chosen event and the themes he expresses in it, are reflective of the messages he would like to sent to the admissions committee. For example, if other parts of his application touch on the theme "making the impossible, possible", then this is an excellent addition. That theme could work really well in conjunction with career goals and an overall personal philosophy that aligns well with the essay. |
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