| Maryann |
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| Below is one of Maryann's essays for her Harvard application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
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| The question that she answers in this essay is: |
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| While recognizing that no day is typical, describe a representative day. (300 words) |
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Today was a representative day. I arrived at the office at 8:00 AM and reviewed the performance numbers of a new marketing campaign. I brought the numbers to an 8:30 meeting that I called to discuss the campaign, and in the meeting our ad buying team agreed to make a few adjustments and to report back to me the next morning.
Once I was back at my desk, I called a partner company and set up plans to experiment with a new direct mail promotion idea. They agreed to produce the test campaign free of charge, which was important to me as I work on a limited budget.
I had a few hours to myself in the afternoon, during which time I reviewed our final ad spending from the first half of our fiscal year and wrote up my projections for the rest of the year. We managed to meet our targets while spending less than planned. I then forwarded them to my manager, the vice president of marketing.
I then met with a business development manager who is having difficulty convincing a partner to enter into a promotion partnership with us. I agreed to put together some numbers that will help him make his case, and to send them to him within the next two days.
I organized my plans for the rest of the week and finished responding to some e-mails before leaving the office at 6:45 PM. I went to a volunteer meeting for my church and then headed home.
I got home at 9:30 PM, ate a quick dinner with my husband, and spent some time with him and our two cats. They are now asleep. I plan on reading a few chapters in my latest Harry Potter novel and then joining them. |
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| Comments |
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Maryann does a really nice job of highlighting a variety of skills in this short essay. Among them are analytical skills, negotiating skills, teamwork, and leadership. She also devotes some space to her life outside of work, which most applicants should do more often. |
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The only place where we'd suggest digging a little deeper is in the last sentence of the second-to-last paragraph, where Maryann mentions her church group. Unless she already covers this a fair amount in another essay, this is a great chance for her to bring out another aspect of her application story (that of community service). |
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If Maryann needs to cut anything to make room for the more in-depth church piece, she can probably trim the 3rd paragraph, where she talks about her analytical/finance skills and her team's past success. While these are good stories to tell, she already covers her analytical skills elsewhere, and her discussion of her team's accomplishments are more appropriate for another essay. |
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This may be hard to do given the question and the word limit, but Maryann could try tinkering with the format to keep it from reading like a straight laundry list of activities. One possibility would be making it read more like a narrative by tying her actions together with an overarching theme. We realize that this may be hard to pull off in 300 words, though. |
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Overall, very strong. Maryann could probably submit this as it is now, but with a few small tweaks it will be just about perfect. |
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