| Steve |
| |
| Below is one of Steve's essays for his Harvard application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
| |
| The question that he answers in this essay is: |
| |
| Discuss a recent leadership experience. Briefly outline the situation and then describe your role, how you were effective, and what you learned. (400-word limit) |
| |
During my first two years at Payne & Collier, I worked in three distinct practices and accumulated a great deal of technical knowledge. I quickly realized, however, that I needed to develop softer skills. Multi-cultural by nature, I decided to search for an activity that would fulfill my thirst for leadership experiences and international exposure. I was most impressed by the Taiwan-American Chamber of Commerce of San Francisco, which catered to high-level executives and hosted public figures such as finance ministers and Central Bank presidents. Membership in this vibrant society would also help my firm attain one of its long-term objectives – to expand our risk management practice to East Asia. By the end of 2002, I gained sponsorship to become a member and immediately proposed to organize an event that would expose my firm to the members of the Chamber.
Organizing the event, ultimately entitled “Financial Risk Management in the New Taiwan”, required more time and effort than I had imagined. Planning the function while at a project in Atlanta was an additional hurdle that required efficient and effective communication. Fortunately, I was able to engage the assistance of various individuals from the Chamber and from my firm. Negotiation and persuasion were indispensable. I gained the support from my group’s head partner to host the event at our premises, worked with the public relations and facilities departments to ensure an appropriate reception, and persuaded two partners to take the important role of backup speakers (the speaker was schedule to arrive from Taiwan the day before the event!). I was able to recruit a senior manager from Chicago to give the presentation and assisted him with the content. With a full house of lawyers, bankers, and industry executives, the event was a success. My initiative and efforts were recognized both by the Chamber and by my firm. To top it off, I obtained a lead for a credit risk project from a conversation with one of the attendees.
This event was a turning point in my career and a self-confidence booster. I proved to myself that I was able to play with the big leaguers, and utilized this newfound self-assurance to represent my firm at high-profile events such as the Taiwan Summit, write articles for the Chamber Newsletter, and almost give an interview to Bloomberg Taiwan on the US and Taiwan electricity markets (scheduled for the day following the 2003 blackout!). |
| |
| Comments |
|
 |
Overall Steve does a good job with this essay. He 1) outlines the situation, 2) describes his role, 3) discusses how he was effective and 4) describes what he learned. Most applicants fall short in at least one of these four categories. The fact that Steve touches upon each in such a short essay is good to see. |
|
In the first paragraph Steve mentions the softer skills that he wanted to develop. To improve the essay, Steve should find a way to connect what he learned from the experience back to what he wanted to learn before the experience. The last paragraph could make that connection more explicit. In other words, the last paragraph could state that he met his goals international exposure and a leadership experience. |
|
In the second paragraph Steve mentions that the event was a success, but he doesn't provide specific metrics. How many people were in attendance? Is there a quote from one of his superiors that he could include to reflect the success of the program? How were his efforts recognized by the Chamber and the Firm? Providing some specifics around how it was a success would take the essay to another level. |
|
Lastly we'd suggest that Steve have the essay written by a trusted source who is very competent in writing just to check over the flow and grammar. There's little to no work that needs to be done here, but an extra pair of eyes never hurts. |
|
|
Print