| Robert |
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| Below is one of Robert's essays for his Indian School of Business application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
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| The question that he answers in this essay is: |
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| Evaluate your application and provide a critical assessment of it. Outline factors that might differentiate you from others from a similar background. |
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"Personality is born out of pain. It is the fire shut up in the flint"
– J. B. Yeats
I'm a person with diverse talents and high aspirations who dreams of making it big in field of business consultancy. A technical person with talent for management, I am an engineering graduate who also has a flair for arts and interest in sports. I'm as much at home in social parties as in taking up social causes. Belief in the merits of sincerity and hard-work and concern for fellow human beings are some of the other facets of my background and values. All these elements have given me a broad outlook and a good understanding of self and a goal to aim for.
Strong-willed parents and well-knit family have been my source of confidence and positive outlook in face of all adversities. My engineering education at New Delhi Tech gave me a chance to compete with the top 10% brains of the country. I enhanced my analytical skills and a problem solving attitude during this time. Initiative in taking up responsibilities like Library Secretary and General Secretary (social and cultural) gave me the opportunities to work with a group rich in enthusiasm and talent, an experience that has not only given me friends but also a confidence in my leadership and managerial abilities. In the first year, improper cataloguing, missing books and irregular librarians had put the hostel library in bad shape. With help from the main campus library I overhauled the library management, putting in place procedure for procuring, cataloguing and issuing books. By the end of year it became one of the best managed hostel libraries. I will bring the same initiative and contribute to healthy competitive spirit of the ISB class.
Acting in English, Hindi, and Bengali plays, and working with a Bangladeshi, a Scottish, a Chinese and Americans is the kind of cultural diversity that I have been exposed to at the Bangalore Theater. I have handled such diversity well and have both contributed and learnt from it. Each play turned out to be a reveal into logical and emotional self. While acting and directing one had to visualize the context of the play, the feelings and emotions of each character as well as logically plan stage settings. Organizing cultural events and motivating juniors not only gave fillip to cultural aspect of my personality but also introduced me to the pleasures of team-spirit and camaraderie. At Universal Consulting Corporation, working on an assignment abroad I enjoyed performing the role of a cultural ambassador in the team. ISB will be a global village of diverse backgrounds and I plan to contribute to it by bringing in my own family and cultural values, and being culturally active there.
Sports and social service have had important affect on my personality. Making my own small contribution to society while volunteering for local blood donation camps and participating in literacy drives in neighborhood made me a more sensitive person. Participation in sporting activities like soccer, chess and athletics from childhood, inculcated in me a never-say-die attitude. I have learnt to think on my feet and take quick decisions. I have learnt to compete in a true spirit and inspire myself and others to bring out the best in us.
In the hectic and hurried life of today where the situation and experience shoves a person into straight-jacketed outlook, I have welcomed and thrived in diverse experiences. Improving the analytical ability, imbibing the spirit of sportsmanship and becoming socially and culturally sensitive has made me a better human being. My experiences have made me a person with original point of view. I feel I have this diversity and originality to share with my co-students at ISB. |
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| Comments |
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Schools ask this type of question to see what an applicant feels is the one or two most important things that he wants to communicate about himself. Robert has obviously done a lot in his lifetime, and he mentions many of his accomplishments in this essay. |
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There are two main ways in which Robert could improve this essay: |
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The question asks Robert to provide a "critical assessment" of his application. While Robert lists many of his strengths and achievements, he falls short in actually evaluating his application. Admissions officers are likely interested in some of Robert's weaknesses and how he perceives them. While any applicant is understandably reluctant to talk about his weaknesses, this essay would be stronger is Robert devoted at least a few sentences to any "holes" in his application (such as lack of professional experience, low undergraduate grades, etc.) and how these weaknesses are not too great to keep him out of ISB. |
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Robert has some interesting stories that set him apart from other applicants, including his acting career. However, Robert covers a lot of ideas toward the end of the essay (in the fourth paragraph), leaving the reader with a jumble of things that Robert has participated in. We recommend that Robert keep the focus on no more than two or three things in his application that he feels will set him apart from the rest of the applicant pool. In an essay like this, it actually is possible to include too much information. |
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While the quote that leads off the essay is interesting, we had a hard time seeing how it relates to the rest of the essay. After reading the quote we expected an essay dealing with overcoming adversity, but that wasn't the case. Robert may decide to leave the quote as is, but it doesn't seem to perfectly "fit" the rest of the essay right now. |
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Right now Robert's essay is good, but with a little more focus he can likely make it much more impactful and memorable. He has done some things that few other applicants can talk about, and we encourage him to keep the essay focused on those things to help him stand out. |
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