| Caroline |
| |
| Below is one of Caroline's essays for her Kellogg application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
| |
| The question that she answers in this essay is: |
| |
| I wish the Admissions Committee had asked me... (Two to three paragraphs) |
| |
"Does your undergraduate GPA accurately reflect your potential to succeed academically at Kellogg?"
To support myself through college, I began working various part-time jobs beginning in my first semester. At one time, I held three separate jobs while maintaining a full course-load. In my second semester, I started working at the Eastern University Johnstone School of Business in their technology group. I found my broad learnings from that job to be even more interesting and applicable to my future goals in consulting than the computer programming that I was studying in class. I took this job very seriously and often spent 30-40 demanding hours each week -- well beyond the 20 hours per week stated in the job description. During my two years of employment, I earned a series of quick "promotions" and almost a three-fold increase in salary. Recruiters from consulting firms confirmed my belief that I was growing by leaps and bounds when they expressed far greater interest in my work experience than in my undergraduate coursework or my GPA. Despite competition from applicants with higher GPAs, I landed a highly coveted internship with Farley Technologies, and later a full-time position with Myers Consulting. In fact, I was the only intern that Farley hired on campus (from over 100 applicants). In signing on with Myers, I was the only hire given the option to relocate to the highly competitive New York office -- an golden opportunity that I seized with great relish.
Beyond my success in a highly demanding part-time job, I rounded out my education and my experience in a new country through various extracurricular activities. I founded two organizations (Society of Software Consultants, which helped Computer Science majors find consulting jobs, and, the teen-counseling organization Helping Hand) while in college. I was also actively involved in numerous others. Additionally, I attended college during the dot-com boom: a pervasive entrepreneurial spirit abounded and, inspired by the possibilities, I devoted a substantial amount of time to create a business plan for an outsourcing business. Unfortunately, at the peak of my involvement, health issues during my second year forced me to abandon the idea -- as well as to drop four classes.
I trust that my highly analytical focus as a professional, my strong 730 GMAT score, and my "A" grades in calculus, microeconomics and computer science courses will dispel any doubts about my quantitative abilities. My undergraduate grades reflect the choices I made and the challenges I faced -- not my abilities or potential. |
| |
| Comments |
|
 |
Caroline has used Kellogg's optional essay to address what many applicants believe to be their biggest weakness: their undergraduate GPA. With this kind of essay it's easy to be too sensitive about the matter, and find yourself making too many excuses. However, Caroline avoids this trap pretty well. She stays focused on the positives of her undergraduate experience (which are impressive). She obviously accomplished a lot, and makes clear that those accomplishments were possible as a result of a tradeoff that she decided to make. |
|
There are just two relatively minor suggestions we have: |
|
| • |
We'd recommend that Caroline be a little more explicit at the start of her essay about her stance on her undergraduate grades. Just adding something like "I do no believe that my undergraduate GPA reflects my academic potential, and here's why..." would make the intro a bit smoother. As it is now, she jumps right into her reasons without any sort of preface. This is a small, mainly stylistic point. |
|
|
| • |
While we like the fact that Caroline doesn't sound apologetic or embarrassed by her undergrad GPA, she could probably go a bit further in making clear that she will take her academics seriously at Kellogg. She doesn't even need to suggest that she'll do things differently this time around; just that she appreciates that classes are important in business school. |
|
|
We would, however have liked to seen more specificity. For example, Jeff points out that he kept "the toughest and most critical task for himself", but never mentions what that task was. Additionally, he shares a light-hearted example about the "lessons learnt" sessions but doesn't provide an example of a more straightforward "lesson learnt". |
|
Finally, it would've been helpful if Jeff included some numbers that give the reader an idea of the size, scope and magnitude of the project on which he worked. How many people was he managing? How much in terms of dollars was the project worth to the company? What metrics did he meet? |
|
This is a decent essay, but with a little bit of work could be improved by a meaningful amount. |
|
|
Print