| Christine |
| |
| Below is one of Christine's essays for her Krannert School of Management application. We present the essay in its original form, with just cosmetic changes made to protect the author's identity. We then provide comments and suggestions, based on the advice available in Your MBA Game Plan. |
| |
| The question that she answers in this essay is: |
| |
| Discuss your long- and short-term career goals, how these goals developed, and what you hope to gain from graduate study at Krannert. (500 words) |
| |
My 10-year career goal is to become a premier research partner to provide business modeling and marketing research services for multinational companies in China with global management and business perspectives.
I started out in my profession as quantitative research analyst for the industries ranging from media to telecommunications to health care while I completed my undergraduate studies. I learned quickly and effectively and was promoted as project supervisor twice within three years to assume greater responsibilities and leadership for a variety of multinational companies. During three years of analytics, marketing and modeling experience, I recognized huge market opportunities in media and high tech industry in China. Besides, China's accession into WTO enhanced my confidence in these opportunities. Therefore, I pursued my master studies in marketing and media management at Purdue University, and I feel this has prepared me for research and analysis in this industry.
However, over two years of master studies and practical training in graduate school at Purdue University, I realize that to achieve my long-term career goal, I need to continue to learn, to grow into a highly effective management professional with cutting-edge analytical skills, sound business knowledge, complete and effective communication and presentation skills. The unique accelerated Krannert's one-year MSIA program is absolutely an ideal program to train me into such an entrepreneurial.
In this demanding program I'll thoroughly develop and enhance my interpersonal and communication skills in a multicultural environment, as well as my ability to make decisions under risk and uncertainty. I'll take full advantage of core courses to advance my finance knowledge and quantitative business methods.
In addition, I'll keenly participate in the unique Krannert executive forum to shape my global business and management perspectives as well as to develop networks with accomplished top-level corporate executives. I'll line up with a business plan team to attend the 2005 Burton D. Morgan Competition to demonstrate entrepreneurship and marketing skills. Furthermore, I'll take an active part in graduate student clubs like Krannert Graduate Marketing Association and Krannert Asian Business Club to improve my leadership and interpersonal skills.
After one-year of training in quantitative methods, marketing, finance, effective management and leadership, I propose to join a global business modeling and marketing research corporation. I believe that team working skills, analytical ability and management of technology will enable me to get such a job. Ideally, over a period of three to five years, I should be able to work in different sectors of the industry (business modeling providers, marketing research suppliers etc.). In this time, I aim to achieve a leadership role within a sector/geography combination that will enable me return to China.
As an international student, with a different culture, I firmly believe attending the MSIA program will smooth the path to these goals. Moreover, my personal dedication and hard work as well as professional experience will undoubtedly help me achieve these career plans. |
| |
| Comments |
|
 |
Christine has put together a strong essay. She briefly explains her background and the choices she has made until now, why she wants an MBA from Krannert, and what she will do with her degree. |
|
Christine has already attended Purdue as a graduate student, and it is clear that she is familiar with the school and what Krannert in particular has to offer. She does a good job of demonstrating her interest in the school. Rather than sounding like a standard essay with Krannert's name used in place of another school's, this essay reads like one that was written specifically for Krannert. This is what every applicant's essay should sound like. |
|
Christine also writes convincingly about what she wants to do in the next five years. She comes across as someone who clearly knows what she wants to do with her career. Admissions officers will appreciate this. |
|
Probably the single biggest weakness of this essay is in the third paragraph, where Christine starts to explain why now is the time for her to pursue an MBA. She says that she needs "to continue to learn, to grow into a highly effective management professional with cutting-edge analytical skills," etc. While this is probably true, the language is still rather general. In this part of the essay Christine could get into more specific details and explain why exactly she needs these skills. Ideally -- without taking up too much space, of course -- she could provide and example or two from her past experience, explaining why she believes that these skills are necessary. |
|
Like most other international students, Christine has made some grammatical mistakes that a native English speaker should be able to help her fix. For example, she writes, "The unique accelerated Krannert's one-year MSIA program is absolutely an ideal program to train me into such an entrepreneurial," while it should be, "Krannert's unique, accelerated one-year MSIA program is an ideal way to train me as an entrepreneur." |
|
Overall, Christine is in good shape. Her sincere interest in Krannert and her professional maturity come through in this essay, which will give her a good chance for success. |
|
|
Print